11/12/05

Intermatic Model SS8C Timer instructions

Supplemental Operating Instructions (translated and expanded from the original text):

You will not believe (1) how complex this process is, (2) how very cryptic the written instructions are, (3) how miniscule the print is on the instructions, and (4) how very difficult it is to apply the directions to the device after it is installed due to the tiny un-lit* screen, (5) even tinier lettering displayed on that screen, and (6) the awkward angle to which you must contort your body in to in order to view it on the wall.   

*The instructions repetitively use the word “illuminate” to describe something happening on the screen, and because no “illumination” of any sort whatsoever occurs I have substituted the word “display”.

This device is, however, the only one that I have been able to find that will automatically adjust for seasonal as well as daylight savings time via a computer chip and can be installed in place of a traditional on/off wall switch.  Install it, set it once, and forget it! So persevere and you will ultimately triumph.  Screw up and you have thrown away a lot of money. 

I hope that my translation of the instructions - along with my experience sussed out from hours of frustration with this infernal device - will help you.  I estimate that you will be bent around the timer on the wall for approximately 11 hours.  Be prepared to take frequent breaks, keep fluids and nourishment on hand, and do not strike the device with the heel of your fist no matter what happens.

I sincerely hope that these people do not manufacture parts for nuclear reactors, commercial aircraft, or the space program. 

WARNING - THIS DEVICE IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART.

1. Press RESET button.  Display will begin flashing 12:00 AM.  (If you have any devices in your home that are now also flashing 12:00 stop now - the rest of these instructions could severely injure or kill you)
2. Press the MODE button until calendar mode (CAL) is showing.  The display will alternately flashbetween the word YEAR and the year 2000, or another previously programmed year.
   Who else could “previously program” the year on a brand new timer? - in a word, aliens.  More on that very real concern will follow.
3. Press YEAR+ button once to stop display from flashing.  Press YEAR+ button again until you reachthe current year.  Press the YEAR-  button if you have gone too far.  Note: it is easy to go “too far” with all aspects of this timer so stay on your toes.  It can blind side you in a heart beat.
4. Press the NEXT button.  Display will flash DATE.  Press month (M+) or DAY button once to stop display from flashing.  Using the M+ and DAY buttons set correct month and date.  Display is in the MM/DD format.  January 21st would appear as 0121 on the display (my birthday by the way - send a present, you owe me).  The day of the week is automatically calculated.

   A positive note - after this step you will never again need be concerned about the day of the week.  It will, of course, remain of  considerable concern in other areas of your life.  Don’t take these instructions to be a form of guidance in anything but the operation of this timer.

5. Press the NEXT button.  Display will alternately flash between the letters DST (daylight savings time) and AUTO (automatic), or between DST and MAN (manual).  Press the DST button once to stop the display from flashing.  By pressing the DST button again you can select either automatic (AUTO) or manual (MAN) daylight savings timer setting features.
• The automatic setting will adjust the time one hour forward at 2 AM on the first Sunday in April, and one hour back at 2AM on the last Sunday in October.

  There is a small footnote here “except in some states”.  Ignore it - the whole concept is crazy-making and will only slow down the process.  Those states are relatively unimportant and are not listed.

• The manual setting is used for making further adjustments to the on/off times by individual preference.

  From what I can tell supplemental instructions for the application of manual settings will require the use of a least three more typed instruction pages.  I simply don’t have the energy.  You are on your own here pal.

• When automatic daylight savings time has been selected, the letter d will be displayed in the clock, auto, auto random, and manual modes during the daylight savings months.

  Now this is kind of weird - the small case letter “d” here is the only instance where capital letters are not used.  They are toying with us - only aliens would find humor in that.

6.  Press the NEXT button.  Display will alternately flash between the words    ZONE and CENTR (center).  Press the ZONE+ button to stop the display from flashing.  Use the ZONE+ button to select the zone (CENTR, SOUTH, or NORTH) in which you live by referring to the map in the instruction booklet.

Lafayette CA, where I live, is near the bay area in northern California and  appears to be exactly on the line between the Center and South zones.  I flipped a coin and picked CENTR, being by nature a centrist in most    things.  A listing of all our major cities and their corresponding zones   would  remove the guess work associated with most locations “on the line” - but that would also take away some of the fascination and intrigue surrounding this device.
Another curiosity  - the time zones are north-to-south, not east-to-west as in “Pacific Daylight Time” or “Eastern Standard Time”.  I tell you the more I study this gizmo the more I am convinced that it is not of this world. Looking at it carefully now it appears to be made of a dull shiny metal and periodically seems to glow from within.

7.  Press the NEXT button.  Display will alternately flash between SUNUP and    an AM time.  Press the HOUR+ or M+ button (meaning “minute” in this step - it means “month” only when dealing with the calendar setup in step    #4 above - duh)once to stop the display from flashing SUNUP.  If you wish to use the preprogrammed sunup setting, simply * press NEXT to advance to the sunset selection.

If you wish to adjust the calculated sunup time setting, don’t press NEXT and instead use the HOUR+ and M+ buttons to set the correct sunrise time in your area.  I guess this is to be used in areas that do not have daylight savings - lucky bastards.  Now that I think about it aliens have no use for daylight savings either.
* I threw in the word “simply” as encouragement - an incentive really - for the reader to soldier on through the balance of the instructions

8.  After you have selected the desired sunup time press NEXT.  Display will flash SNSET (sunset).  Press HOUR+ or M+ (correct! again stands for “minute”) to stop display from flashing.  If you wish to use the preprogrammed sunup setting, simply* press NEXT. Or press HOUR+ or M+ to set desired sunset time as you did for the sunrise setting.

* See above - don’t give up!  You are about 1/3 of the way through!
9.  Setting time of day:  Press the MODE button until clock mode (CLK) is   illuminated (whoops! I mean displayed).  Display will show 12:00 AM, or current time if already programmed.  Use the HOUR+ and M+ (you got it!) buttons to set the current time in hours and minutes.  The very weird (alien?) chip already knows the day of the week.  I’ll bet they don’t have days of the week - but something weird instead. Whoa.

10.Programming ON and OFF times:  There are two ways to program the timer. You may program each desired ON/OFF setting by selecting     specific times, or you may use the astronomic sunup and sunset settings.
For astronomic programming the calendar and current time must be already set (see 1-9 above).
The following are instructions to set automatic SNSET (ON) time and  SUNUP (OFF) time to automatically adjust for seasonal time change and daylight savings change:

Begin by pressing the MODE button until program mode (PGM) is displayed.  Program 1 and the word ON will be displayed.
Keep pressing the DAY button to scroll through all days of the week until SNSET is shown. This tells the mechanism to turn ON the timer at sunset on that day defined by Program 1. Then press the NEXT button. This will bring up the word OFF and still show Program 1.  Keep pressing the  DAY button until SUNUP is shown. This tells the mechanism to turn OFF the timer at sunup on that day defined by Program 1.

Then press the NEXT button. Program 2 and the word ON will be displayed.  Keep pressing the DAY button to scroll through all days of the week until SNSET is shown.  This tells the mechanism to turn ON the timer at sunset on that day defined by Program 2. Then press the NEXT button. This will bring up the word OFF and still show Program 2. This tells the mechanism to turn OFF the timer at sunup on that day defined by Program 2. 

Then press the NEXT button. This will advance you to Program 3 and theword ON will be displayed.  Continue the repetitive process as used above  for Program 1 & 2 for Program 3.
I cannot emphasize the importance of being precise and exactly repetitive in these steps no matter how mind-numbing they are.  Blow it and - whambo! on Wednsday your timer will be on all day.  Your neighbors will wonder just what the hell is wrong with you and your spendthrift approach to energy use.

Continue this process all the way through Program 7 in order to achieve an automatic ON and OFF time for every day of the week.   After programming on and off times, press the MODE button to select the  automatic mode (AUTO). The AUTO mode turns the timer on and off  according to the programs.

Oh - one more thing.  There is a setting referred to as AUTO RANDOM that can be selected at this point in lieu of AUTO that will automatically vary the ON/OFF times you have selected by 15 to 20 minutes either way in order to out-fox those pesky robbers that sit outside observing your light cycles and know that regular on-off times mean that you are not actually there personally flipping the lights on or off.  The very first thing they steal are automatic timers - so beware.  You might want to write your name and phone number on the back of the timer just in case.
Just a minute here!   AUTO RANDOM could be the real time, in disguise of course, for the time frame at the aliens’ own planet.  Hey - it’s possible. Look at all of the other weird stuff here.  Makes you think doesn’t it.  Like the term “astronomic programming” - what, exactly is that?

Another option at this point is to select manual (MAN) after pushing the MODE button.  What kind of idiot would do that?  The end result would be having a fancy but old-fashioned basic on/off wall switch. It would look pretty   cool though.  If you screw up these instructions and cannot recover that is  what you will have whether you like it or not.

At this time the display should show the word AUTO, the time of day, AM  or PM and either OFF or ON and will in theory correspond to what is actually going on with the lights and correct time of day.  If the timer shows anything different from this proceed to paragraph #2 in step 11 below.

11. Reviewing or changing ON/OFF programs: To review or change your programs press the MODE button until the program mode (PGM) is displayed. Press the NEXT/ON/OFF button to scroll through the existing programs. The sequence will start with Program 1 ON, then Program 1 OFF, then continue through all seven ON/OFF settings, then will repeat. When and if the display shows  — : —  you are totally screwed .

Despite the intricate and well meaning instructions here to the contrary there is no way for a human to fix this. You cannot recover from this point. My real concern was that further fiddling at this point might cause a regional black out. Despite the bitterness I am sure you are experiencing right now do not despair.  Quit for the day and be prepared to go back to step #1 after getting a good night’s sleep.

There is an 800 help line you can call - but it is of very limited use to the average consumer.  Due to the complexity of the instructions and the subtle nuances expressed   within them a conversational level of expertise in Pashti is recommended to fully utilize this resource.  Come to think of it the “people” answering the phone seem an awful long way away and there is often a delay and sometimes even an echo . . . . really makes me wonder who exactly I am talking to. Think about it.

Be consoled that a lack of timed lights for 24 hours will completely baffle the robber observing all of this from the street.  You might want to remember this strategy for the future.

I strongly recommend never checking your programming as described in step #11 above.   Instead follow the instructions meticulously, trust your instincts, wait patiently and will it to be right.  Believe in the force, young Jedi.

So - you are done!  I am really quite proud of you.  Say a silent prayer for the manufacturers of the timer, pour yourself a nice glass of wine, and  patiently wait for the next ON/OFF event.  You are about to experience a real thrill when it actually happens, and the anticipation is sublime.  Have  the newspaper nearby with the exact SUNUP/SNSET time available for adouble thrill.  An audience of close friends and family members will add more meaning to the experience but you must also be able to take the embarrassing silent ridicule if something goes terribly wrong.

Be brave!  When it all comes together I guarantee a giddy sense of accomplishment and a nice wine buzz.

Doug Crawford
Lafayette, CA
primejoist@hotmail.com