It’s now 11:15 on Thursday, April 13th 2006 (which is probably indicated when I post this…but hey, I’m all about repeating things).
And I’m in my room, desk light on, laying in bed doing some research on how to rip a DVD onto a computer. I’ve got a couple movies that I got from students when I was at Les Roches so I’ve been thinking about putting some of my movies on…
Whatever.
What a terribly boring post for Birthday Eve. Seriously…shouldn’t I be talking about something far more fun? Like presents, parties, friends, family…expectations, resolutions, plans, reflections? Something far more grand and promising then “gee, I really would love to be able to watch Initial D on my computer without popping in the disk.”
The thing is I’m kinda distracted these days. Sure I’ve got lots going on…this whole work thing for example, my list of possible posts…and to add to that list…
-List of Things Neil Needs to do Before he Dies
-Massive posting of pictures from the farm
-The lunacy that is www.nasioc.com Off Topic
-Good sources for free porn
-List of cool websites that are fun to screw around with
blah blah blah…
But what I’m going to type next is something that has been on my mind for a while now. I’m 31 (32 in about 38 minutes) and I’m single. I’m really seriously single…and have been for a looong time now. Yeah I’ve dated a bit and had some fun…but it’s been a long time since I’ve been involved in anything truly serious. Now…that isn’t to say I haven’t been “involved” with anyone. Just not “truly seriously” involved. I’ve got this really fucking annoying habit of getting “involved” with women through this glorious medium we like to call “the internet”. Sometimes it’s something I pursue, sometimes it’s something that happens without any real effort. And this last time…man, what a jacked up situation that was. Hell…I’m still recovering from this. I’m not going to go into the deep details here but I was nuts about her, she was nuts about me and all of a sudden (it seems), it totally crapped out. Yes yes shame on me for falling for something this unreal but SHIT it sure as hell FELT real. Perhaps that’s a product of my season online-e-ness? That it’s just comfortable and easy for me to get all hot and heavy over someone from the net? Perhaps. Hell if I know.
I know I’m just not quite over it…I put in a lot of time and effort. And time and effort is the only thing that will help it pass.
And yes…oh yes…I’m sure it’ll pass…especially when I fucking stop dwelling on it. That is clear.
But when it’s 30 minutes away from your birthday, and you are alone at home…these sort of things just pop into your mind. And that is frustrating.
Things could be worse however. I’ve got a great job that is becoming better daily. I’ve got a family that cares tremendously about me. I’ve got money in the bank. I’ve got some cool shit coming up in my life. I’ve got a group of friends I know are there for me.
I just miss…you know. That other stuff.
Tomorrow will be another day. Maybe another gloriously sunshine filled day.
We shall see…won’t we?
Happy Birthday to me.
And Kristin…if you ever do read this…I want you to know, on this day, on this hour…I still wish you the best.
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April 14th, 2006 at 5:36 am
I know its your birthday and you have the right to look back, assess your life, feel the crushing weight of the relentless tide.. etc etc. But damn dude, smile. You fuckin rule! You made one of the greatest pirate/shark movies of all time. you like donkeys! As for that “other stuff”, it’ll come. besides you gotta be clean of the venom from that disasterous whore-hole before you’re ready for any “it” girl.
Maybe you should try one the more legit mediums like match or Orville Redenbacher’s service (eharmony?) where you have to pay, don’t use craigslist.. i know you love the list, and its good for couches and 50-gallon fish tanks, but not a decent girl. A decent girl is going to at least want some guy to be willing to shell out $20 for a chance at her special stuff.
And remember humans are animals, we like to smell and touch things so don’t let any relationship get too far without it. otherwise your brain will trick you into being in love and have you ignore the pheromones when they scream, “stay away from this whore-hole, she is crazy!”. Its better to love their smell and touch first, then love the personality, than vice versa. I know she broke your heart but that bitch IS a bitch and your life would be superfuckingmiserable if you were with her right now, you need a cool girl, not a total nutjob head case. Like I said you fucking rule!
Besides, one more year and you’ll have lived longer than Jesus and that dude is supposed to be god or some shit… and he never managed to score a cool girl before the Romans got him. Lucky for you there are no more dangerous romans so you still have plenty of time to get it right, and when you do succeed you can be like “what’s up jesus, never got a cool girl like me?”.
And Kristen, if you do read this, I wish you a bucket of poo. you’re a stupid dumb fuck.
That’s right I said it.
Happy Birthday Neil
April 14th, 2006 at 8:01 am
Happy B-day Neil.
Tell us how you really feel Matt :)
I must say, I nearly peed my pants with your jesus references.
We can talk about this post tonight over massive quantities of alcohol, you know I can relate.
April 14th, 2006 at 8:47 am
Beautiful comments G-dawg…perfect and wonderfully encouraging. I really appreciate all you did for me when I was there. You certainly turned an uber crappy situation into a really good time.
And…I dunno. Sure I’m still hung up a bit over this girl but thankfully it’s not pushing me into a pit of despair. More than anything it’s REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING. Bah. Moving on.
It’s now 9:43 and I’ve gotten up, gotten a drink, opened a birthday letter ($50 to Borders, woot!) and am feeling much better about things.
Today…hmmm…I’ve been wondering about this a lot. I’ve got another managers meeting at 3 PM today. This should be short and will get me some free food…so that’s a good thing.
Tonight…I’m not quite sure yet. It will involve beers. I’ve got Saturday off (YES!!!) so I can go pretty nuts.
Now I must see who just called me…and plan. I’ll give you a call later on today Moe. And yes…alcohol is a must.
April 14th, 2006 at 12:24 pm
Happy Birthday, Neil. You’re a wonderful person (yes, we all know how wonderful you are) and I know you will make this year one of the best you’ve ever had. Drink a gin and tonic for me tonight, won’t you?
April 14th, 2006 at 12:51 pm
I agree with almost everything Matt said.
Oh, and happy 40th birthday!
April 14th, 2006 at 12:54 pm
I got that voicemail Ms Pants…and don’t appreciate it AT ALL.
So I’ve played with my computers, smoked some cigs, had 2 beers and have a meeting at work in an hour. I think I’m going to drive over there…eat…have another drink of some sort…and then start planning on what to do tonight.
Oh yeah…for Moe…I’m also ripping some DVD’s into MPEG2 format on both my computers (laptop and PC)…as an experiment. I’ll post the results.